Celebrating Women's Her-Story Month: CRITICAL FEEDBACK IS A GIFT

How Women of Color Can Leverage Emotional Intelligence to Level Up As Leaders” (Ashley) underscores the necessity of learning how to receive critical feedback so Women of Color can develop and advance our careers.

This is good advice AND…

WoC often feel more vulnerable to critical feedback because (a) we’re used to EXPECTING bias – isn’t that a trip? And (b) we don’t know exactly what the feedback is for or if it’s valid. And (c) sometimes we receive criticism from a boss who’s a woman or even a WoC, which can complicate things.

Unless we trust our bosses, criticism can be difficult to parse: should we take it at face value or is this some kind of undermining move? And if we do take it at face value – what’s the actual value?

All of this makes us skeptical and self-protective about receiving critical feedback – which is understandable but not useful and definitely not creative. As Ms. Ashley says, critical feedback, is necessary for professional development.

Let's say you're receiving your end of year review. For the past 12 months, you put your head down and worked like a fanatic. Your job is going well and your deliverables and relationship with your boss seem good.

And then: your boss thinks you’re personable and a good team member but not proactive enough.

Watch out for the Black Hole of self-judgment, anger, frustration, sadness, and self-victimization! 

Instead:

GET UP AND MOVE:  your emotional reactions are NOT where you can make good decisions. You actually need to physically release all of the negative emotions (see Black Hole comment above) riling up your body and do something energetic. Running, kick-boxing, raking leaves, shoveling snow, scrubbing the bathtub. I find angry dancing really helpful!

UNDERSTAND you need to place distance between yourself and the emotional event of receiving critical feedback. Yes, you're going to feel bad -- but ever heard that old saying “Distance lends enchantment?” So true here. Emotional distance gives you breathing space, and the physical release of negative energy will help you create distance so you CAN become creative.

FLIP YOUR PERSPECTIVE: Put yourself in your boss’s place. Imagine YOU’RE the one giving the feedback. This helps you look at the feedback more productively. Be kind with yourself -- and honest: How could being more proactive uplevel your performance?

ENTER CREATIVITY: Be curious! What positive steps can you take so you continue to be more successful in your career? Step outside your comfort zone and meet people who aren’t in your department or area of function, ask questions, practice thinking ahead. Being proactive means working out how what you’ve read or learned connects to your future.

THE GIFT: Step away from self-judgment – “you’re so stupid, you always fail, you’ll never be any good” – and see that the feedback you've received is a gift. You’re learning how to become even better at what you do.

PS Also step away from judging your boss. What’s the point of that?

Receiving critical feedback as a PLUS redirects you from emotional self-destruction and a drop in performance, and motivates you to step higher to achieve critical success.

And if you just have a mean boss, here's your new mantra: “The best revenge is success" — Michelle Obama.

RECOMMENDED FOR HIGHLY EFFECTIVE ANGRY DANCING: The HU, “Yuve Yuve Yu”.

Feel free to contact me for public speaking events, workshops and programs.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2023/01/05/how-women-of-color-can-leverage-emotional-intelligence-to-level-up-as-leaders/?sh=1716991b2ddb